Local elections: The Bin-Day Party and the Refuse Party

A light-hearted look behind Thursday’s local elections

A re-imagining of the election results, if the Bin-Day Party and the Refuse Party had been contesting them

The challengers: The Bin-Day Party - Led by Nigel Garrage-Sale, including spokesmen Doris Jacobson, Michael Backknife, and Daniel Cheesy-Grinnan.

The incumbents : The Refuse Party - Led by Charles 'Chuck' da Moon, including spokespeople Heidi ‘Lonely’ Goatherd, Anna Juniper-Berry, and Dom Icky-Greze.

And presenting for the first time, the launch of “The People’s Rubbish Campaign” – a natural response to the shock results of the elections.

Let’s be clear. These local elections were about rubbish. They involve serious issues about our bins.

On Thursday across England and Northern Ireland, millions of voters produced a shock result in the local elections, with an alleged win for the Bin-Day Party over the Refuse Party. The result was 52% - 48%, but we believe this must now be challenged – in court if necessary.

Here at Brexit Facts4EU.Org we have been analysing the results and they make for disturbing reading. It is clear that the Bin-Day Party lied, and that the Refuse Party should have won.

We are therefore proudly announcing the launch of The People’s Rubbish Campaign.

First, we produce the evidence:-

Brexit Facts4EU.org Summary

The Bin-Day Party promised weekly collections on Wednesdays
We have discovered that in some areas, Bin-Day councillors are now planning collections for Fridays
This alone requires a People's Rubbish Vote, or at the very least a 'confirmatory vote'
A senior Bin-Day councillor claimed that the new collection routes “will be the easiest re-routing ever”
Yet refuse collection firms are now insisting on a payment of £39 billion before they will even discuss new routes
Most Bin-Party supporters are old, stupid, and will die before the new collection days are announced anyway
These elections were only advisory

The infamous Bin-Day lorry

Everyone is familiar with the bin-collection lorry which toured the country in the weeks prior to the elections, claiming that :

“We send total rubbish to Westminster. Let’s send this rubbish to Brussels instead.”

It is quite clear that the Bin-Day Party are incapable of delivering on this promise. And where is their spokesperson, former Foreign Secretary Mrs Doris Jacobson, now?

The facts were all with the Refuse Party, so it’s the people who must be rubbish

The Refuse Party was backed by all the experts in rubbish from London and around the World, whereas the Bin-Day Party could only produce Mrs Ethyl Jenkins from 23 Sparrows Close.

Almost all important people living in London or in other world capitals talked about rubbish with complete authority, based on their lifetimes of experience. We Refusers had US Presidents, whereas the Binners only had people like Nigel Garrage-Sale, whose only claim to fame was winning the EU elections in 2014, and who now heads the Bin-Day Party.

The Rubbish Commission

The result of the elections is now being called into question in official quarters.

Indeed, the government’s Rubbish Commission has already started looking into the bins of some prominent Binner campaigns, where it seems they have found instances of old cabbage wrongly thrown into General Household Waste bins. Fines of up to £100,000 are expected for the worst transgressors.

Many are now saying that this brings the legitimacy of the whole election into question. We can’t disagree.

The EU's Single Rubbish Dump, and the Compost Union,

The EU's Single Rubbish Dump, and the Compost Union have both been essential elements in the growth of the UK for more than 45 years. Millions of people rely on our membership of these EU bodies. They have brought jobs, prosperity, and peace.

The European Waste Union has been responsible for a peaceful ‘wasteland’ environment for its citizens since the end of WWII.

Only continued membership of the EU's Single Rubbish Dump and the EU's Compost Union
can guarantee that our children will grow up in harmony
with the waste material of children from all across Europe.

We can now only rely on the 80% of our MPs who refuse to accept the result of this bogus election and who know what's best, to keep us in both these bodies, and to keep us firmly allied to EU waste. The people will thank us and all these MPs in the end.

The People’s Rubbish Campaign

Today we are proud to announce the launch of “The People’s Rubbish Campaign”. Backed by some prominent rubbish MPs, and some serious rubbish celebrities, we are now seeking your support.

A High Court action is being planned, in an attempt to overturn Thursday’s vote. Should this be unsuccessful, we will be using the BBC to promote a concerted pro-Refusers campaign. We anticipate the BBC's total support.

All this costs money, and we hope that members of the public who back our objectives will join with the foreign billionaires who are already backing our campaign.

Remember, no-one voted to be trashier.

Thank you,

The People’s Rubbish Campaign

Observations

Our Editor was at a dinner party in the lovely London borough of Hampstead yesterday evening. The atmosphere was initially subdued, as you might expect from a gathering of Refuse Party supporters.

Soon, however, the atmosphere from these determined Refusers took on a more positive tone.

“My children will literally die,” said one dinner guest.

“They’ve taken away our rubbish future,” said another.

“We have to fight for our rubbish ideas,” concluded a guest who had once appeared in ‘Celebrity Garbage’ on Channel 4.

The overall conclusion was that the election had been rigged, that we couldn’t allow some ignorant, old people from places like… well, no-one could remember any names of towns outside London – but we couldn’t allow people who know nothing about anything to trash our country like this.

Readers may rest assured, with your help we will fight for rubbish.... :)

Some light amusement from the Brexit Facts4EU.Org team, Sat 04 May 2019

Something to say about this? Scroll down for reader comments

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Reader Comments 6

1. barbara Jell , Saturday, May 04, 2019, 07:58:

Whoever wrote 'The Peoples' Rubbish Campaign' has missed their vocation - should be writing for a television comedy show! Anyway, it's great to start the day with a good laugh and I love your rather mischievous title 'Nigel Garbage'!
I consider the local election results of no great significance; the real test will come with the EU elections and more importantly, a General Election. In fact, quite a few areas, such as Dorchester, had NO candidates standing in the local elections at all.
There was a huge number of spoiled ballot papers and I have requested details of precise numbers from the Electoral Commission under the Freedom of Information Act.
Many spoiled papers had 'Brexit' scrawled across them; "none of these deliver Brexit", "leave the EU" and "traitors" written against each candidate's name.
The ruling Conservative Party lost 1,334 seats, but do you think Treason May lost any sleep over the results? Don't be silly!

2. Catherine, Dollar , Saturday, May 04, 2019, 08:07:

Very important issue.
Quite a few rubbish companies are French-owned, methinks. Veolia one such? I will check and post. I've been meaning to check their accounts .. is it just the IT giants who just pay a tiddly token to the Exchequer, and a little more in Luxembourg or somewhere else?

3. NoBrexit! , Saturday, May 04, 2019, 09:04:

I suppose you think you're very funny? The destruction of our jobs and economy by brexit is no laughing matter.

4. barbara Jell , Saturday, May 04, 2019, 09:35:

Dearest No Brexit comedian - apart from the crucially important issues of independence, sovereignty, control of our laws and borders and our future, (issues which appear to be of no interest to you obviously), we voted to leave the pernicious EU to prevent any MORE damage being wreaked upon our economy, jobs and the 'theft' of dozens of our industries when they were transferred to EU member countries, with bribes paid for with OUR money, and resulting in THOUSANDS of job losses.
Naughty boy, as usual you have not done your homework, again.
Have a nice day.

5. Patrick F , Saturday, May 04, 2019, 13:57:

NoBrexitexclamation mark. Do you know what satire is?
Btw my job's safe. Thanks for your concern.

6. Jon, Wales , Sunday, May 05, 2019, 02:10:

I guess 'NB' thinks s/he is trying to be serious - I think not!
S/he states: "The destruction of our jobs and economy by brexit is no laughing matter."
You are entitled to hold your opinion, though I do ask, what destruction - specifically?
Please provide your sources when making such a bold statement, or are you simply expressing your own personal opinion?
Say WHY you believe as you do, but be specific? To say nothing of substance destroys your 'argument'.
With respect, you cannot you deny facts?
You will note ALL daily articles published by pro-Brexit Facts4EU.org are original works, ALL are well researched, and ALL articles provide sources which you can easily attempt to disprove if you believe you can.
Now in case it's passed you by, look at what's happened to our economy since the 2016 vote itself, then review the disgraceful 'project fear' campaign conducted by the remain camp pre-referendum which continues to this day.
May I make one suggestion that may help you - List in point order your specific concerns as a voter?
Though if you check through the "Brexit Index" you will find your concerns are perhaps already covered.

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